Pathgate Journal

Reflections on the Pathgate Institute Summer Retreat

Sheila Readman

I have been attending the annual retreat since 1998; the experience was always one of continuous lessons in reverence, humility and gratitude through seeing in person the benefit of correct practice in body, speech and mind. Dharma transmission was given daily to assist the students transforming the mind through the cultivating of mindfulness and the pacification of negativity. Both body and mental awareness were further enhanced by the opportunity to receive instruction on meditation, prayer practice, mantra recitation, Qigong, Taiji and other Chinese Internal Arts. The resulting development for the retreatants was the experiencing of equanimity, loving-kindness and the arising of a compassionate attitude towards all beings instead of the more commonly judgmental, adapted or distorted view.

Beth Cook

One day during the 1998 retreat, I sat next to Sifu Rinpoche near the beach. I noticed that lots of flies the size of half a finger nail were buzzing around Sifu Rinpoche's legs. Some of the flies actually started to feed on his legs filling their bodies with blood. Sifu Rinpoche allowed this to happen and explained to me that it was all right. He said that as a child, out of ignorance he had killed many flies and he was happy to have the opportunity to accept this as the ripening of negative karma and for that reason was quite contented to allow the flies to feed on him. It was as if he had been expecting the arrival of the flies. The flies pierced Sifu Rinpoche's skin so much, that blood was trickling from each bite. As more and more flies landed on Sifu Rinpoche's legs, I became aware that he was the only person in the area that the flies seemed to be interested in. Just then, one fly landed on my leg. I looked at it and thought it would be OK for me to allow the fly to take blood in the same way that it had from Sifu Rinpoche. The fly stayed there for a moment and then flew off. That night I found it impossible to sleep. I started to feel sick and quite tearful. My body felt as if it was churning inside. By morning I started to have diarrhoea and did not feel up to practising.

I felt worn out when I went to the morning session. I explained what had happened and Sifu Rinpoche said that it was because the bacteria carried by the fly had affected my immune system. I had copied Sifu Rinpoche thinking it was all right for me to do the same thing. Sifu Rinpoche had a lot more flies feeding on him, yet he had shown no sign of any negative reaction.

At lunchtime, Sifu Rinpoche ordered for me a small plate of raw onions and garlic dipped in olive oil. I ate this and started to feel something was working inside my stomach. Sifu Rinpoche then advised me to go to bed and sleep. I went back to my room and did as he said. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep. As I slept I had a lucid dream about Sifu Rinpoche giving me instruction on impermanence in the presence of many Tibetan High Lamas. I woke up and felt very different. My husband Steve came into the room to check on me and noticed a change in my appearance. My face had become that of an Oriental instead of the usual features of a Caucasian. After about ten minutes my face gradually changed back to normal. I continued the class that afternoon feeling much better with no more diarrhoea and enjoyed a good meal in the evening.

After this experience the week began to change. I became even more sensitive to my surroundings. I began to have a better understanding of some of the things that Sifu Rinpoche has been teaching us on the Classical Qigong Study. Incidentally, after that afternoon when Sifu Rinpoche willingly allowed swarm of flies to feed on his legs, no more flies seemed to appear anywhere near Sifu Rinpoche for the remainder of the retreat.

One day, Sifu Rinpoche had been demonstrating how energy might be applied in many ways. Some of the demonstrations were breathtaking. In one demonstration, he asked me to come towards him and push his hands. As I approached him, he began to make the pattern of a mantra on his palm. As I came close, he turned his palm towards me and the effect was extraordinary. I felt my body start to hurtle backwards away from Sifu Rinpoche, but as this happened I experienced myself dissolving, disappearing into nothingness. During this experience I had totally lost sense of time. I did not know whether this experience had lasted for seconds, minutes or even hours. When I eventually came to a standstill, I felt my body return back to normal. Sifu Rinpoche repeated the same demonstration on two other students with similar effect.

On another occasion, while Sifu Rinpoche was demonstrating Taiji, I could see that the air surrounding Sifu Rinpoche was shimmering. It was like an area of light surrounding him. As Sifu Rinpoche walked around, this aura of light went with him, moving with his every movement. He appeared to be part of an energy field, which reached high up into the trees and equally as wide. At times Sifu Rinpoche appeared to be superimposed onto the background as if he was more defined than anyone or anything else. These experiences are something that I do not have any explanation for, but I do know that they come about because of the presence of Sifu Rinpoche.

Magdalena Ladwig

In 1998, a medical check up revealed the presence of myoma (a benign cancerous tumour consisting mainly of fibrous tissue), which started as a small tumour in my uterus around ten years earlier and had grown to almost 9cm big. My doctor insisted I should undergo operation to remove the uterus. I was determined not to have the operation because I became concerned it would create more complications.

That summer, I attended Sifu Rinpoche's annual retreat in Greece. It was an interesting experience and I felt very good being there among Sifu Rinpoche's students. I told Sifu Rinpoche my health problem. He listened and spoke about faith and compassion as being the key to liberation of suffering. Afterwards, I went to rest. All of a sudden I woke up from my sleep and felt a gentle pulling in my stomach. It was a good, but very strong feeling. I knew that something strange had happened. I did not know what it was but somehow I knew it was positive and when I checked my abdomen it felt all soft, the tumour in my uterus, which was the size of a grape fruit, and hard to the touch seemed just to have disappeared!

When I told Sifu Rinpoche what had happened, he simply said: "Faith is the key to everything." To me that was an incredible experience and there are no words to thank Sifu Rinpoche for it!

Kunzang Namgyal

The summer retreats of the Pathgate Institute of Buddhist Studies which I have been attending since 1997 can best be described as the window on a world where miracles are everyday events; where obscurations are continuously being removed, and for me, it feels like a step closer to home.

Ever since I became a student of Sifu Rinpoche in 1989, I have witnessed countless miraculous occurrences associated with Sifu Rinpoche, but I only became aware of the tangible presence of Buddhas appearing in the vicinity of Sifu Rinpoche in the summer of 1998. Returning to our host's apartment after an afternoon stroll in Athens before setting off to the site of our retreat, some students started to doze off. While some slept, Sifu Rinpoche sat quietly and meditated. Seeing this, I too started to meditate. Meditating is always quite different when with Sifu Rinpoche. After a few moments I partially opened my eyes and became aware of the vivid presence of Buddha where the wall of the room had been. Although it's more like being aware of Buddha than actually seeing, I was surprised that Buddha's robe was deep, golden red, not the yellow I would have expected. I later found out that a saffron robe is golden red, not yellow.

Over the next two weeks I saw the tangible forms of Buddha and the brightness of Buddhas' presence many times, both during meditations and while moving around the retreat area - seeing Buddha sitting where Sifu Rinpoche had been, walking on water and sitting near us. After Sifu Rinpoche talked about the importance of spaciousness in expanding our awareness outwards, I drew my attention back from focusing on the vision of Buddha in front and became aware of many, many more tangible forms of Buddhas around - perhaps a thousand in total. Later on, after having received instruction from Sifu Rinpoche on visualisation practice, this seeing of Buddha became even more explicit. Although I had previously seen, or been aware of Buddha clearly enough to distinguish the colour and shape of his robe and features, by this time, it was more like patches of space dissolved, to expose in every detail parts of Buddhas' body - a knee and a shoulder.

The following year, unusual heavy rainstorms, which are rare for Greece in the summer, seemed to follow Sifu Rinpoche from the moment he arrived in Athens. Sifu Rinpoche remarked that this was a sign of the presence of Nagarjuna - the Indian Buddhist Master who retrieved the Heart Sutra from the realm of nagas (dragons). Sifu Rinpoche described the rainstorms as the auspicious presence of nagas - a sign of the granting of blessing from Nagarjuna, whose teaching was to be taught by Sifu Rinpoche that summer. Indeed a storm cloud appeared to follow us as we left Athens for Epidavros. Some students who travelled on motor bike could clearly see the storm front follow the minibus Sifu Rinpoche was in all the way from Athens to Epidavros which is over two hours journey away.

At the 1999 retreat, our daily meditation included the recitation of mantras, which led to three incidents of note. The first was my first experience of recitation in my sleep. Over the years, intense practice has occasionally led to dreaming of Taiji or of Qigong. After a day which included mantra practice both in the group and alone, I awoke early the following morning with my mind at peace and utterly absorbed in the recitation of the mantra of the Heart Sutra - gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate bodhi soha. A second experience was of connecting to the thought of compassion for the sentient beings of the six realms while reciting the mantra of Chenrizig - Buddha of Compassion.

The third incidence was towards the end of the retreat, alone with Sifu Rinpoche, when he recited the syllable Om and it seemed as though his voice or energy was connected to all the voices of a monastery from years gone by. Like a thousand ancient voices all chanting at once. Since the retreat I have heard this again, after Sifu Rinpoche finished reciting mantras during meditation at a Classical Qigong Study weekend. The ancient sounds did not come only from Sifu Rinpoche's direction, but came from behind me and off in the distance, as the vibrations seemed to awaken and calm my mind. Since that time I have sometimes made a similar connection while at home, although physically separated from Sifu Rinpoche.

On the way to the 2000 retreat, I carried a box Sifu Rinpoche had brought with him, which had the statue of Guru Rinpoche in it. The box was quite distinctly radiating heat! Not just this, but it had a presence, a kind of substantial-ness - as though it was real but everything else was almost like a dream, but that it was more than just real.

The heat radiating from the box containing Guru Rinpoche was amazing, but when I had the privilege of holding tormas for offering to the deities during Nyungné - a powerful purification process of negative karma involving fasting and prayer practice - there was a similar experience. As Sifu Rinpoche blessed the torma, the offering plate became hot and heat radiated from the offering. The first time we made the offering my thumbs were slightly over the edges of the plate and the heat radiating from the torma itself was quite amazing. Also when offering the first of the tormas, there were many, many small ants on the plate, but after it was blessed and I carried it away and put it down, the ants were gone; every one of them had disappeared, even though the plate had been in my hands the whole time.

The Nyungné practice was very powerful. During the main practice, many students experienced shaking and other physical phenomenon from the surging of suppressed energy being released in the bodies. Sifu Rinpoche as usual was at hand to bring relief to the students by opening up their energy channels to speed up the release of this pent up energy. I found myself at one point collapsed in tears, and felt a release of grief. I felt a surge of compassion and sheer joy that we had this opportunity to make some progress. I started to laugh with joy and suddenly my pained and bent posture corrected itself, my mind cleared and I felt full of energy, the pain of sitting cross legs on the floor having suddenly disappeared. After being bent double earlier in pain it was an amazing change, and then my face changed expression, and I felt as though I was becoming somebody else or at least not the image of myself that I am familiar with in this life.

During the 2000 retreat I saw golden figures a number of times. Early in the retreat there was a golden figure sitting over the shrine tent - about three times the height of the tent, and later a much bigger figure further behind the shrine tent. I couldn't see the figures clearly enough to discern who they were, but my impression was that it was Guru Rinpoche. Later in the retreat I saw Guru Rinpoche sitting where his statue was on the altar, but the vision I saw was larger than the statue and seemed quite alive. I also saw a golden figure sitting where Sifu Rinpoche was while he was leading the prayer practice, the golden figure rising from his waist and seeming to manifest in Sifu Rinpoche's arms as they moved. It is amazing how our closeness to Sifu Rinpoche enables us to see such things.

One of the greatest joys of the retreats was the lightness of my body and mind and the need for less sleep. The proof of this was that, despite not getting to bed until late each night, I was up early enough to meditate on the beach before the sunrise. Miraculous events and strange happenings occurred in Greece on a daily basis, but I'm unable to describe any of these clearly enough to explain the sheer wonder and extraordinariness of it all. Retreat with Sifu Rinpoche is always an immense joy, and a priceless gift.

Gary Bradley

One morning during my first retreat, Sifu Rinpoche demonstrated the effect of how the energy projection of one person can act as catalyst to affect the energy state of another person. I was asked to stand in front of Sifu Rinpoche in an on-guard posture with my right arm extended in front. As I did so, Sifu Rinpoche's right hand casually tapped my right arm, next thing I knew, I found myself slumped on to the ground, lying there as if there were no better place to be and laughing uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. After laughing for a while longer, Sifu Rinpoche quietly said, "that is enough for now", and helped me to my feet and the laughing stopped almost as quickly and as it had started. It was as if the laughing was stopped at its actual source of origin just like a tap being gently turned off, without any attempt on my part to contain it.

In hindsight, I realised it was not a gross physical force that threw me to the ground. Being pretty fit as a teacher of physical education and weighing around fifteen stones, I am able to bring brute force into play when I want to and yet I was totally helpless to resist the magnitude of Sifu Rinpoche's energy as if I were being thrown about in the carriage of a fast moving roller coaster. The other strong recollection I have is that there was no pain or even mild discomfort.

Despite having studied biomechanics for three years as the prime element of my undergraduate degree, and having years of experience of different forces being exerted on my body such as in rugby and athletics, I had absolutely no idea whatsoever what had happened. Sifu Rinpoche later explained this phenomenon as my suppressed energy state being opened up.

One afternoon, as Sifu Rinpoche was sitting by a table at the beach, in front of the hotel. An American woman came over and asked about what the purpose was of our students doing Taiji, was it some kind of religion? She asked quite a lot of questions and it became clear that she was a Christian fundamentalist. Sifu Rinpoche was relaxed, warm and friendly as he answered her questions sincerely and skillfully. With every question he answered he brought more of the better part out of this woman, redirecting her attention onto what is universally beneficial. I was reminded of the way, when teaching martial arts, Sifu Rinpoche is able to not only render attacks harmless, but also redirect them and even help his students to open up their congested energy state whereby they can benefit. On the surface there was nothing out of the ordinary, simply two people engaged in conversation, and yet due to Sifu Rinpoche's spontaneity of compassion and skilful means he was able to generate much benefit for all concerned by just simply being himself.

Sifu Rinpoche has more sustained energy and enthusiasm than anyone I have ever met. In the last few days before we left for the retreat in the summer of 2000, I do not believe Sifu Rinpoche could have had more than a few hours of sleep a night, and I knew he worked right through the night before we traveled down to Luton Airport. When we got there we found out that we had missed the plane by a few minutes. Our next flight was to be nine hours later. Sifu Rinpoche simply took a seat by a corner of the airport and started prayer practice quietly by himself. He sat so very inconspicuously amongst the noise and bustle of the airport that no one would have given him a second glance. I walked with Sifu Rinpoche on the few occasions when he left his seat for food and to use the bathroom and I was struck by his radiating presence of energy, rather than being dull from lack of sleep.

When we arrived in Athens, Sifu Rinpoche went straight into his room to start his prayer practice before emerging one hour later to lead us through group prostration and puja. To my knowledge Sifu Rinpoche only had short nap for a combined total of four hours in the time between the time he got up on Friday morning till arriving at Epidavros on Sunday when he finally got to bed near midnight.

During the retreats Sifu Rinpoche continued to spontaneously harmonise situations, to teach, and to bring alive the example of what he teaches. There are no occasions when Sifu Rinpoche is not practicing Dharma. His faith is a truly integral part of him - every part of his life is connected to a one-point purpose to be of benefit for all beings every moment of the day.

Dorje Duddul

Whenever Sifu Rinpoche began teaching, he appeared differently, very clear and powerful, like a clean, clear light was projecting outwards from Sifu Rinpoche. When we were chanting my body began to shake as if the energy wanted to escape from my body but could not escape fast enough and so my body was moving and shaking in all directions. During one session when my body had stopped shaking and bouncing around, I began to feel the channels in my arms, hands and legs open up, I could feel each channel as a tube and a substance was flowing through and out through my fingers and toes.

When Sifu Rinpoche mentioned that we were going to have the opportunity to participate in Nyungne - a purification practice involving fasting and prayer practice. I was quite excited. When Sifu Rinpoche also mentioned that we would go without fluid for 46 hours I became concerned owing to the heat and the quantities of fluid we were accustomed to consuming in the summer heat. However Sifu Rinpoche said we would be cared for and that the weather would change. Sure enough, there was a gentle breeze all the time during the two days of Nyungne, which was unusual for Greece at that time of year. On the day we started the Nyungne practice the weather changed to a milder climate and hazy sunshine. The entire area of the temple became significantly shaded just as Sifu Rinpoche said it would.

After each session Sifu Rinpoche would help us to open up our energy, one time I was laughing out loud, feeling extremely happy, free and expansive. Another time after the session I went straight to Sifu Rinpoche, as I could not breathe, Sifu Rinpoche said that the energy was stuck in my back, I was gasping for each breath. The relief and joy when Sifu Rinpoche had freed up the energy and I could breath again surprised me, the genuine gratitude that I had towards Sifu Rinpoche at that moment was the most profound that I can remember in my life.

The next session that I remember was that I could feel my internal organs starting to vibrate, this vibration was starting to concern me and I felt as though I was going to simply fall apart. At this point Sifu Rinpoche called me over and I knelt down by his side and he offered me his hand. What I remember of this is that the feeling of vast impartial unconditional benevolence and compassion that came through from Sifu Rinpoche who all the while continued to chant through the text. I did not want to leave that place by Sifu Rinpoche's side.

Later on two separate occasions I was overcome by a feeling that I must lie down; each time I laid down I felt a large block of cold energy, like ice, released from my body and move down my hands into the ground. After each time this happened I was so tired that I fell asleep for a what seemed to be a few moments and then awoke refreshed. A similar sensation happened in my right leg also.

On the last few days I noticed that I started to experience more through my central channel. My hands would move to the back of my head and begin stroking my head, they would then stroke or rub the top of my head and follow the central channel down to the floor. This was scary because this was a precision act, which had intelligence, which I was not in control of.

During our time at the retreat, whenever we were not chanting, the words of mantras would just fall out of us; you would do something mundane such as brushing your teeth and find yourself chanting a mantra. Passing someone else in the camp you would notice that they were also chanting. Even on the way back to England, I recited mantras nearly the whole time and I have not genuinely smiled so much for so long in my life before.

Paula Dadson

Sifu Rinpoche's teachings made complete common sense to me and I came to understand that the causes of unhappiness are mostly self-induced due to our habitual tendency to indulge in the speculation of hope and fear. Sifu Rinpoche is constantly teaching and helping us. I am grateful to him for spending the time with us and sharing with us these precious teachings.

Ani Ngodrup Drolma

At the 2000 summer retreat, as students worked to assemble the shrine tent complete with Buddha statue, thangkas, prayer flags and a full array of offerings, I was aware of a very powerful presence of energy from Sifu Rinpoche that seemed to pervade the whole space and focus the energies of everyone present toward the vision unfolding before us all. The energy within the area, as the shrine tent, began to come into being, seemed to emanate from Sifu Rinpoche. It was like being close to a vision that had manifested and there was an incredible radiation of power in it. Late that evening while I was standing near where Sifu Rinpoche was, I had a sensation as if I were surrounded by a very strong radiation of energy. I found that whenever Sifu Rinpoche spoke or made a gesture, I was seeing light move and it was like emanations or reverberations happened in that space where the gesture was made and that anything negative was cut away or neutralized by that light.

Another time Sifu Rinpoche was holding my hand as part of a demonstration, I found that an intense heat seemed to radiate right across my chest and down both arms and it felt like a whole expansion of energy occurred somewhere in my chest area that expanded outwards and from soles of my feet to my crown and beyond. It felt like water running through my body but was also like becoming more expansive from within - like more space internally.

This experience of expansiveness happened again when we were, as a group, walking around Temple in clockwise direction chanting a mantra. Sifu Rinpoche remained seated by the shrine and as we walked I was aware that his voicing of mantra seemed to change as people passed him. At one point it seemed his voice altered and I found that not alone was I aware of energy seeming to be whirling around area behind my heart but there was a sensation as if a funnel had opened and this happened in front of the chest, so it was something like having a tunnel that ran like a clear space out front and back, very clear and strong and very freeing. I had never experienced this sensation in front of heart area ever before. It was like energy expanded and released through my whole body, which I could feel like a current running like water from head to foot.

On another occasion Sifu Rinpoche was chanting by himself when I realised that I was hearing two voices in the same space. It was not like hearing one voice slightly before or after another but it was actually two voices in same note at any moment. Yet it was two voices.

During another practice I became aware that a light seemed to be emanating from the Wheel of Life thangka in the Temple, and the light was getting stronger and stronger. Then it seemed as if air in the shrine area altered, in that it was like it became denser, and it was like seeing a wisp like energy stream that seemed to move into Sifu Rinpoche. It was as if the statue dissolved and entered Sifu Rinpoche.

Another time we were walking around temple, a group of students, as an individual practice, chanting, while Sifu Rinpoche sat in the shrine tent alone. Each time I passed near Sifu Rinpoche I felt as if I had come in contact with a high voltage energy radiation and an image of a mandala and Chenrizig - Buddha of Compassion awoke in me. Sifu Rinpoche was just sitting but the physical effect was like passing by a very powerful magnetic source and at times I found it affecting my physical co-ordination.

During the Nyungne practice, Sifu Rinpoche dealt with a group of students who were shaking due to pent up energy being released from previously suppressed states. I did not know what he was doing, but there was energy visible around him like an aura. It was not at all like when I had seen Sifu Rinpoche uprooting people in classes. The air or atmosphere when he was working with people was much more intense and tangible. There was a level of care and compassion when he worked with the students that I had never seen anywhere else. One student Daniel actually straightened up his previously curved back and became three inches taller during the retreat.

On another occasion, I saw a student fall during a photo session and hold his arm as if injured and in pain. Then just as quickly, in an instant I saw the expression altered on his face to a kind of surprise, and he seemed perfectly o.k. The student explained that what had happened was when he fell onto ground his shoulder had popped out and then gone back in instantly. What I noticed was that between when the student fell and injured himself and got better, Sifu Rinpoche had spoken to him from a distance, and it was hard to explain but in that moment I was aware of something happening through Sifu Rinpoche and to me Sifu Rinpoche was righting the situation even before he physically moved toward the student.

Throughout the retreats, Sifu Rinpoche remained spontaneous; joyful in everything he did, even after long day of teaching and pacifying students' energies.

On the last day Sifu Rinpoche gave a teaching on the Seven Line Prayer of Guru Rinpoche and my mind just went, crashed, in being suddenly exposed to the hidden depths of teaching contained in it, to the multi-layers of effects generated by it. It was incredible. And that was just one prayer practice.

When I came back into normal everyday life it seemed like I had been away on retreat for six months and not two weeks. I knew, in a way that I cannot explain, but was a certainty, that I had found my teacher, and no matter what came or went, time, place, distance, no matter how difficult or hard, no matter how awful a student I was, I had found my teacher. It came in a flash with an absolute certainty. That was the way it was.